In my 20+ years as a practicing psychologist, I have come to learn that there are three fundamental truths about getting better: (1) improvement cannot occur unless the person is aware of what needs to change, (2) improvement cannot occur unless the person is aware of what’s getting in the way of changing, and most importantly, (3) despite what people say they want, they don’t want to change.

 

At its most basic, my philosophy boils down to the simple idea that awareness is the key to change. You need to be aware of what you're doing, why you're doing it, what’s getting in the way of your improvement, and your inherent desire to resist getting better. Without awareness of these areas, any evaluation of your performance is based on false information, and the chances of getting better decrease dramatically. By growing your awareness of these blind spots, you can begin to make more accurate assessments of what’s working and what’s not. In other words, you can design an improvement plan based on what is actually happening versus what you think is happening. As a result, your chances of getting better dramatically increase.  Without being able to make this distinction, any improvement will simply be the result of luck, leaving you with either a sense of frustration (not knowing why something is happening) or false hope (thinking you know why something is happening when you really don't). If you truly want to get better, you need to actively cultivate and prioritize self-awareness. This means being honest with yourself, acknowledging your strengths, weaknesses, and limitations without judgment. Embrace feedback, even when it may be uncomfortable or challenging, as it can be a valuable source of insight. Reflect on your actions, thoughts, and emotions regularly, seeking to understand the patterns that govern your behavior.

 

In addition, practice mindfulness to stay present and attuned to the moment, observing your thoughts and reactions as they arise. By doing so, you can catch yourself in the act of repeating unhelpful behaviors or falling into self-defeating thought patterns. Awareness allows you to break free from the cycle of automatic responses and empowers you to make conscious choices that align with your goals for improvement.

Moreover, surround yourself with individuals who support your growth and are willing to provide constructive feedback. Engage in open conversations and seek perspectives outside your own to gain a more comprehensive understanding of your strengths and weaknesses.

Finally, be patient and compassionate with yourself throughout this journey of self-awareness and personal development. Recognize that change takes time and that setbacks are a natural part of the process. By adopting a growth mindset and understanding that mistakes are opportunities to learn, you can maintain a positive outlook and keep moving forward.

In conclusion, the path to genuine improvement lies in the cultivation of self-awareness. By recognizing the influence of your actions, thoughts, and emotions, you can navigate the complexities of personal development with clarity and purpose. Through increased awareness, you gain the ability to make informed choices, design effective improvement strategies, and ultimately, elevate your potential for growth and success.